Category Archives: faith

In the Sunshine

We are in California now, living just an hour from the beach in beautiful spring weather while much of our family and friends are still sporting heavy coats and scraping ice from their windshields. We are taking walks in the sunshine, swimming on the weekends, and taking drives along the coast. I think about this and my nose gets all tingly and my eyes water because I longed for this so much. I wanted it so intensely at times, and here we are living in it!

At this very time last year when our days were hazy and our home was surrounded in mounds of snow for months on end with hardly a temperature above twenty, I laid on my couch with my growing belly under mounds of my own darkness. Pregnancy has a way of intensifying emotion, and I was struggling to get out from under it.

But I changed in those months. I grew, closer to Him. I reached up to the Savior and pleaded for His help, more than I ever had before. And He lifted me. In quiet moments I felt strengthened, inspired, and encouraged and I can’t even pinpoint exactly how, but I remember those feelings. They brought me closer to heaven and closer to Him.

So as much as I am heart swellingly grateful for this time in the sun, I am deeply grateful for the darker days that brought me here and brought me to Him too.

At the end of my pregnancy I updated my blog with some of these experiences from my journal and the crumbly feelings I was having. They were so raw at the time I first wrote them that I didn’t really care to share them. But ultimately I felt the desire to because I think there is value in sharing the struggles, and if it can help someone, the sweet strength I felt along the way too. You can find these under the category, “pregnancy,” which is on the right side on a computer or scroll all the way to the bottom on a phone.

When you cannot do what you have always done

“When you cannot do what you have always done,
then you only do what matters most.” -Robert D. Hales

I have felt really exhausted lately. Rarely a good night’s rest, and so much to do on so little sleep. And free time, what’s that?

But two years ago a sweet sister missionary in our lds branch wrote this quote on a bookmark and gave it to me (before I even knew I was pregnant with twins). It’s from David A. Bednar’s conference talk a few years back, quoting Robert D. Hales. Little did she know how much I would entirely CLING to that comforting reminder two years down the road.

When I focus on the things that matter most, I can feel like I am doing enough. I am trying to remind myself that it IS enough, but what’s clear is that this is where my JOY is.

This morning I asked myself, “What is most important for me to do today?”  My mind was full of a hundred things I needed to do, or wanted to do, but only a few were MOST important.

Pray. Read my scriptures. Love on my family and take care of them. THIS is my joy.

Having done these things by the end of the day I felt like I was doing alright, despite all the things I didn’t do. These are what matter most, and “what matters most lasts the longest.”

Even then, I still managed to shower, put a few loads of laundry through (through, not folded and put away 🙂  read to my kids, feed them, take them to the park, write a mamanote, make soup for dinner, wash some dishes (after the kids went to bed), and order more binkis online.

I DIDN’T pick up the clutter, wipe down the counters, finish the dishes, vacuum the floors, CLEAN THE BATHROOMS (been on my list for a while now 🙈), go through those bills, research that baby rash, trim the kids’ nails, exercise, meal plan, edit pictures, order winter clothes for the kids and new sheets for us (completely ripped while I stood on them last week to get pictures of the twins,) update my blog, play with my kids more, make family videos, take a nap, among so many other things I needed or wanted to do. (This is still a HUGE improvement from a few months ago when I hardly had time to pour myself a bowl of cereal and eat it.)

But somehow, I feel ok with that. Those things will move over to tomorrow’s list, but today I filled with the most important things, and that is always enough.

#mamanotes

The Day the Girls were Blessed

It was a quiet, sweet day.  Our congregation was small and our family far away,  but our hearts were so full. Our babies were blessed, and among other things that Jake mentioned, they were blessed to be a strength to one another in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, to help each other make good choices.  That was comforting to me.  Their blessings were so special.  So grateful for the priesthood, the plan of happiness, and this sweet family of mine.

[About these pictures, I love them. I love the family pictures because they aren’t perfect.  They show just how things have been lately– a lot going on. Happy faces, grumpy faces, spit up, and our favorite– all SIX of us together. I also love the pictures of just the twins because we are just starting to see their personalities and these pictures show some of that.  They are the sweetest and we adore them!]

Esther
Thea

Counting

I’ve been counting my blessings a lot lately.  It’s interesting because things have been really quite challenging lately and I’m REALLY looking forward to getting to a new “normal” (which hopefully includes a lot more rest!) but in this time of challenge I have also felt so UPLIFTED and strengthened and happy.  It’s interesting how God works.  We have to have the challenges to shape and refine us and give us experience, but He is also so merciful and quick to send His blessings to help us through.
I wrote just a few things down that have stood out to me recently (but our blessings are many! -especially these sweet little babes)

1. TIME with Ava and Hyrum. The other day I was feeling kind of bummed that I have so little time to give attention to Ava & Hyrum. I hardly have time to pour them a bowl of cereal, it’s crazy.  I could tell that they were really missing it too.  In my prayers the other night I prayed that I would be able to meet their needs and spend more time with them. The next morning, BOTH babies stayed asleep for at least 30 minutes when I put them down–long enough for oatmeal for breakfast, airplane rides on my feet and lots of giggles. We all felt so happy and refreshed afterwards and I knew my prayer was answered! I was reminded that sometimes we just need to ask.

2. REST. As it is to be expected, I am quite tired lately. The other day was go-go-go. A sweet friend came over and tended my babies for a few hours while Ava and I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned. I washed, picked up, and put away until my house looked clear again! (That’s another blessing-a clean house!!) It felt so good, but after that long day and an unusually long night with the babies, my body felt especially spent the next morning. But as I’ve noticed so much lately, just when I am really in need of something, when I’m nearing the end of my rope, I am given rest and the strength I need to keep chugging. The next day two sweet young women came over and took care of my babies so I could rest. I napped with Hyrum, which was a two-fold blessing because I got some sleep and time with my boy. He snuggled in so close to me, I know he’s been missing our time together too.  These girls have been coming a few times a week and I have so much love for them! I can’t thank them enough. They help us so much.

3. RELIEF. Last night was one of our hardest nights. The girls have been congested the past week, so they wake up a lot in their sleep having a hard time breathing.  Last night they had a lot of reflux in their sleep too, and when it would come out their nose it would make them more congested and wake them up.  We hardly slept at all, with a total of two hours of sleep. 🙁  After their morning feeding they both fell asleep in their rock n plays, which was amazing! I prayed that they would stay asleep for even just 30 minutes so I could have some relief and get some things done.  Well, they both woke up just a few minutes after falling asleep, and I tried relentlessly to get them to stay asleep. Finally I put them in their carseats so I could carry them both around or rock them on the front porch. Thea stayed asleep but Esther struggled through her reflux. After a few hours it was time to feed them again. I went to prepare a bottle quickly while Esther cried. Then the crying stopped. Those sweet young women had come over to help again today, and even though I had to wait a few hours for relief, they were the sweet answer to my prayer! They fed and held the babies while I cleaned and napped with Hyrum, and when I woke up, the babies were both sound asleep in their rock n plays, and they even stayed asleep (with some soothing in-between) for a few hours!! With Thea in my wrap I was able to make dinner (which hasn’t been possible in a long time!) And what’s even more amazing is that they fell asleep for the night just before nine and stayed asleep until 2am. Heavenly Father answers prayers. That is so comforting to me.

4. FRIENDS. Angels. Such good, good people so quick to serve, coming over for hours at a time to hold my babies, play with my kids, and bring us meals. Other friends and family have been sending messages and thoughtfulness from a distance to see how we are doing. We have been surrounded with so much kindness and support and we are so, so, grateful.

We’re doing well, because God’s blessings (and His angels!) are so very real.

More Shaping Moments

I did it again– I added a lot of new posts all at once. Sorry! They are mostly my own journal entries about the struggles I’ve had this pregnancy and how I’ve been learning to overcome and get through them.  At the time I didn’t really feel like sharing them because they were so raw and personal, but I feel like there is value in sharing what I’m learning and what has really helped me get through. I’ve back-posted them all so they coordinate with the right dates. I mixed in a few mama notes as well that I recorded during those times.

Also, we’re 37 weeks!! Can you believe we’ve made it this far?? Such a happy, wonderful thing. My induction date is set for this Friday at 38 weeks, so in just four more days (or less) we’ll be doubling our kids and adding a beautiful new dimension to our family! We can’t wait to meet our girls!