Today we laughed with Hyrum as Ava threw snowballs at our window, read each other’s love letters, and sat on the couch after the kids were in bed, planning our future together and really looking forward to it. I’d count it a lovely day. #mamanotes
Category Archives: journaling
My Life as a Professional Photographer
I have rearranged some things in my life to make everything fit a little better, to make everything feel better.
I still got a little teary-eyed looking at my photography website today, I’ll be taking it down in a few days. I decided a few months ago to close this chapter of working as a professional photographer at this time in my life. It’s hard to describe the feeling, but it’s a good one. As I sat alone in the basement of our home watching these slideshows on my website, I felt this peaceful sense of accomplishment, that I did this really challenging, wonderful thing that I’ve always wanted to do, and I actually made something of it.
When I was in fourth grade I drew a picture of a camera and said that I wanted to be a professional photographer when I grew up. I was drawn to cameras. My mom often gave us disposable cameras when we were kids, and I’d quickly fill them up with photoshoots of my friends and my pets. Developing them at Costco was like Christmas for me. Then the digital camera came out and my friend had one. I remember spending hours at her house just playing with it. It was the coolest thing to me.
When I was in middle school I spent my weekends making random videos with my friends and editing them in my free time. I still laugh when I think about them. Then high school came, and I took real photography classes. I discovered my love for photographing people and worked in a dark room developing my own film. When I was sixteen, a family friend asked me to work for him as a wedding videographer and I was introduced into the Southern California wedding world. I learned so much from that.
The summer after I graduated, my photography teacher asked me to photograph her wedding. I borrowed lenses I had never used before and felt so official and so nervous at the same time. We kept in touch through email for a number of years. I still count her a dear friend of mine.
In college I met a photography student that encouraged me to shoot what I love and to learn by practicing and designing my own shoots. In my pieces of free time I planned styled shoots for my friends and their friends, and soon word spread that I liked to take pictures. I started booking engagements, bridals, families, and others, and my passion grew along with my portfolio.
I remember sitting uncomfortably at my laptop, sketching out price lists and logos. I had never started a business before. I enlisted the help of my husband for an assistant, and took him to Las Vegas with me to learn from top professionals at a week long convention. I came home with a notebook full of ideas and took every photography opportunity that came my way. I was pushed and challenged with each one.
Then I officially established my business and quickly learned that there was so much more to running a business than just pricing and advertising. I hated all the taxes and paperwork but I learned A LOT in the process.
In January of 2012, I received a stack of bridal magazines that featured my image on the cover and a few spreads inside. It was so exciting for me. I felt like I was really doing this professional thing, and maybe I was doing alright.
In February my first child was born. I sat hours in front of my laptop as I nursed my baby, watching online photography workshops and editing for hours on end. By then I had a wedding every weekend and a few shoots in-between. Word was starting to spread.
Six months after the release of the bridal magazine, we moved to Texas for my husband’s job. Utah wedding inquires soaked my inbox, but my travel was limited. I flew back to Utah and California a few times a year for weddings and other shoots, and I liked the opportunity it gave me to visit my family.
Little by little word spread through our new friends in Texas. I photographed more families than weddings, and I got all the work I could handle. Motherhood alone was enough to keep me busy.
Three years later, we moved to a tiny town in North Dakota and I wanted to slow things down even more, maybe even take a little break from photography. Mothering two little ones was becoming more of my passion, and it never felt quite right trying to keep them busy so many hours a day while I edited and worked on my business.
The more I embraced this idea, the more it felt right for me. It felt good.
I feel like I have been gently guided in this direction for a while now, feeling inspired to pursue a few endeavors that seem to me to be weightier than others at this time in my life.
On December 29, 2015, I photographed my last wedding. It couldn’t have been a more perfect closure capturing my dear friend’s son as he sat on her lap during dinner, playing with her veil and giving her kisses. We were all so happy that day.
Someday I will probably return to doing this thing that I love, but for now I am thrilled with the privilege of full time motherhood and capturing my own loved ones full time. I have realized there are more precious things in life that I’m not able to return to.
So with teary eyes, I watched the slideshows from my website play memories of this profession that has captured my heart for so many years. I have worked so hard and learned so much, and I have made so many dear friends. It’s been a real blessing.
After I decided to take this route a few months back, I was listening to a talk by President Dieter F. Uctdorf that made me feel so good about this direction (for me.) I was thinking, “Yes! This is totally how I feel.” (Happens a lot with his talks.) So needless to say, I feel like this has been some good life rearranging for me. 🙂
He said…
“Elder Dallin H. Oaks, in a recent general conference, taught, ‘We have to forego some good things in order to choose others that are better or best because they develop faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and strengthen our families.’ 2
…My dear brothers and sisters, we would do well to slow down a little, proceed at the optimum speed for our circumstances, focus on the significant, lift up our eyes, and truly see the things that matter most. Let us be mindful of the foundational precepts our Heavenly Father has given to His children that will establish the basis of a rich and fruitful mortal life with promises of eternal happiness. They will teach us to do ‘all these things … in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that [we] should run faster than [we have] strength. [But] it is expedient that [we] should be diligent, [and] thereby … win the prize.’ 7
…Brothers and sisters, diligently doing the things that matter most will lead us to the Savior of the world.
…The heavens are open again. The gospel of Jesus Christ is on earth once more, and its simple truths are a plentiful source of joy!
Indeed we have great reason to rejoice. If life and its rushed pace and many stresses have made it difficult for you to feel like rejoicing, then perhaps now is a good time to refocus on what matters most.”
About Sundays
Most Mondays on social media I see posts that say some thing like “Oh Mondays” or some kind of picture showing how Mondays are rough. I totally get it. We are all coming back from a weekend, a break of sorts, and getting back into the swing of things isn’t always easy or fun. But I have a different feeling about Mondays because I kind of like Mondays; and that’s because of Sundays.
Since the four of us were probably still carrying around remnants of our uninvited visitor (the stomach flu), and we did not want to send him home with any of our friends, we stayed home from church on Sunday.
It felt so strange.
I have to admit, it was kind of exciting to think that we’d have a whole extra day of doing nothing and just hanging out together, but once two o’clock came around and we still hadn’t done anything that even slightly compared in value to being at church, I really just couldn’t wait until next Sunday when we could be there again!
We don’t go to church because we should, we go because it’s like an anchor for us. We rely on it. I feel so refreshed after taking the sacrament, renewing my covenants with God, and feeling His Spirit in abundance. When Mondays come, I feel ready for a new week. I feel motivated to do good and to be a little better, and I enjoy the fresh start. It’s subtle, but when I miss it, I notice the difference.
So basically what I’m saying is that I’m grateful for the little church that we get to attend each Sunday here in North Dakota and for the Gospel of Jesus Christ that gives it meaning. We are so blessed by it!
Where we are.
A few months ago we moved from Houston, TX to North Dakota. Things just fell into place as we discussed, prayed about, and moved forward with the opportunity presented to us just a few months before that. So, here we are. And it feels good.
Last night I went to a mini women’s conference for our little LDS branch here. A lady from Bismarck gave one of the lessons. Toward the end she asked us to raise our hand if any of us have been in North Dakota more than 10 years. Nobody did. The she said something that really stuck with me. She said that she often hears members tell her, “I don’t know why I’m here, but I know that the Lord brought me here.” And that is just how I feel.
Welcome to our family Hyrum!
My heart is so full. I knew that I would love him, but I didn’t know that I would be so overcome with these feelings. There is nothing like the pure sweetness of a newborn baby, and I have no doubt that these little ones come straight from heaven.