We took a road trip to Oregon in the fall of last year. It was one of those trips I wanted to take for years, and one I often think about since.
Sometimes we even dream of buying a little cottage along a river nestled in those pines and wild blackberry bushes, minutes from the coast, even for just a year or two. It’s a happy thought I dream of from time to time.
Someday we’ll be back, if for nothing else than to feel the thrill of our heart’s content.
This was a last minute trip (as most of our trips are). We had hardly a plan except to explore and enjoy, which landed us on top of a volcano, through the cityscape, and to the sands of the pacific just on day two. We struggled to find a place to stay each night (it was Labor Day weekend) but ended up with just what we needed.
In four days we totaled 31 hours of driving in the car, but we mixed it up with park stops, beach play, and lots and lots of snacks. And the drive was half the fun with all the beauty we got to see together!
It was an incredible trip, one of my very, very favorites.
We’re supposed to be out of our apartment in a few months (we’ve outgrown the residents capacity limits) and we still aren’t sure where we’ll be after that. The project Jake is on for work goes for another year or so, but we’re not sure we’ll be on it until the end.
There’s a lot of unknown ahead.
We might rent a house, buy and fix up a house, move to a different project, a different company, start one of our own, go back to school, move out of the country…We have so many ideas and dreams and possibilities that we are considering, and we couldn’t be more excited about it all.
The overwhelm is there too. Uncertainty has a way of entreating us to fear or stress at times, but never doubt. We trust the outcome. But gosh it’s hard. We’ve moved often for work, all out of state, and almost every time we’ve packed up our stuff, we still didn’t know where we were going. But it always works out. We look back every time and see how God had been paving our way all along, leading us to each place of growth and joy, friendship and learning, all still with hard things and trial, but so very much for our good. Things always fell into place, often after we anticipated them, but so clearly in place.
So here we are, on the cusp of adventure once again, not knowing what’s ahead, preparing to move and not knowing where to or what. But we are so grateful for it. We love all the change. We know that it will all work out, things will come together and we’ll ultimately end up where the Lord wants us to be.
It’s exciting, really.
^^I wrote that a few months ago.
We’re two weeks out from moving and we’re still not sure where to.
I go back and forth with the question of whether or not to share our story while we’re living the messy part of it, the parts we don’t know the answers to, where we’re stressed or anxious or frustrated or down for one reason or another. Or even when we’re excited and hopeful and happy, but the experiences feel too personal to. We’re still riding the emotions, there’s no conclusion yet.
But often I do anyway. There’s insight in the moment that’s worth sharing because everyone else is in their moments too. Perhaps we can learn from one another or simply draw courage knowing hey, it’s hard for them too.
There’s been so much on my mind and in my heart lately. Some I’ll probably share later, but for now I thought I’d let you all in on this interesting experience we’re having in faith and figuring out.
We’re moving in two weeks, still not sure where to.
We’ve done a lot of praying, talking, home searching, all those things over and over a lot lately, just as we’ve done for months before. But nothing feels right. No town, no house, no opportunity.
It’s hard not knowing. We’re really having to put our faith to the test. But it’s hard with that too because though we’re reaching out to God for guidance, we know we need to make decisions and move forward too. There is so much unknown in our future as for how long we’ll be here and what we’ll be doing that we’re really not sure where to move forward to. I’m just wondering if there’s more we should be doing that we’re not. Or if we just need to stay calm and wait on things to unfold ahead. It’s hard to do that with just over two weeks left. But we can if that’s the way.
My prayers have gotten more sincere lately. I tell Him everything, and when my thoughts become overwhelming at times, I close the door to my room and pray, just to let it all out. Sometimes in my mind I imagine that He’s sitting right there with me. Heavenly Father has felt more like a friend and a father to me as I’ve reached out to Him as one. And that’s how I’ve been feeling His love in return. It’s powerful like that.
Even still, we’re both cracking a bit. I can feel the anxiety in my shaky legs and we’re both getting frustrated more easily. It’s all the underlying things, not the little ones they appear to be. We’ve all come down with strep this week, affected much worse than usual. Even our bodies are struggling with the stress.
We’ve had more discord lately too, and more love, often yo-yoing between the two. Sometimes about big things, but mostly about smaller things with frustration from the big ones. But always coming back with apologies and more love. I already feel like we’re stronger through it all. We picked back up the habit of reading and praying together every night, and we’re actually sticking to it. I think we both realize how much we need it.
So yes, there’s been a lot of angst and emotion and stress and also comfort, excitement, and peace. A lot of feeling both, a sway of such. We trust God, we know He’s going to lead us to a good place, it’s just hard to do all the figuring out that we need to (and to know when to let God take care of it.)
You know the phrase, let go and let God? I think the hardest thing with that is knowing when you’ve done enough on your end.
But the message I kept getting over the weekend was just that. In all the scriptures, the songs, and the words that would come to my head, the message was clear, “Peace, be still.” “All will be well.”
I did some New Testament reading Friday and then skipped back through to see where we were in our reading with the kids. I skipped back to Mark and saw the story of Jesus calming the tempest in the fourth chapter.
I had these verses highlighted, and this string of words stood out to me.
39. Peace, be still…
40. ..Why are ye so fearful? how is it that ye have no faith?
I think Jesus was saying to the wind and the waves as much as to His friends, “Peace, Be Still.” Perhaps that’s what He’s saying to me.
Mid morning Ava turned music on my computer. The first one was, “All will be well,” by Gabe Dixon Band. It’s one I was editing one of our videos to a few months back.
“…all will be well,
Even though sometimes
This is hard to tell”
“All will be well.
You can ask me how but only time will tell.”
It’s interesting how things happen sometimes like that. How God speaks peace to us. How He gives us answers. Friday it was in scriptures and songs and words that came to mind.
I asked her to turn it up and we all started dancing. I danced and danced until I felt it too, almost.
Then other songs came on and the messages were similar.
“Hold on to me as we go…
As we roll down this unfamiliar road.
I know this wave, it’s stringing us along
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m gunna make this place your home.”
He’s paving the road, peace be still.
So on to our next step: rest assured, be still, and all will be well.
I just need to trust in that.
^^ I wrote that a few days ago
I planned on posting it over the weekend and didn’t get it around to it. But now I have an update to the story, so I thought I’d finish that here. 🙂
I can’t remember what made me think of it the other night, but I thought of some apartments, just a few blocks from us. A friend mentioned them to me a few weeks ago, but at the time we were focusing on getting into a house with a yard or waiting until we knew more about how long we’d be here. We thought surely something would turn up there.
It hasn’t. It’s ten days until we move, and we still don’t know how long we’ll be here, but we know this– a house just doesn’t feel right, neither does any other town. The price, the lease, all the logistics aren’t right, but especially the way we feel.
When I mentioned the apartments to Jake, we both felt a little relief, even excitement. MAYBE this was it!
I called the apartments in the morning to check for availability. Some three bedroom units just went on the market THAT DAY. And somehow we were first in line. We toured the place, noticed all the GOOD, and finally something felt so RIGHT! It’s nothing fancy, but it is so good in so many ways, especially their only option for lease– MONTH TO MONTH!
Who does that!?
And there’s more because we can still walk to all our favorite places downtown, stay close to our friends, and still go to the same place for church! And three bedrooms! (And cheaper than our place now) And windows that open!!
So we got it. It all worked out, so very well.
It’s interesting to me, the timing of things. Why the long wait, the last minute, the sweaty palms from holding on?
I could speculate some things or assume some things, and perhaps I wouldn’t have even considered it before. But I DO KNOW that this is all teaching me to TRUST. To trust in Him, to lean on Him, and to believe in good things to come. Because they do, eventually.
We’re still not sure the next step from here, as this is just a holding ground, but I’m convinced to believe in one fine thing, and that’s that
This time last year our girls were one month old, suffering from severe reflux and needing to be soothed around the clock. Summer had arrived and was entreating seemingly all but us to its pleasant reprieve and active adventures.
We were barely keeping our heads above water and rushed our tired bodies to bed each night as soon as the babies were soothed long enough for their first stretch of nighttime sleep. Free time was like the faint sighting of land while treading in a grey ocean. We weren’t discouraged or unhappy, we adored these babies with the biggest of grateful hearts! We were just tired, so tired.
I don’t remember what sparked the idea, perhaps some longing for a sense of normalcy, but we decided to take a trip to South Dakota to see Mt. Rushmore in the midst of all this. I don’t know how we managed to pack for our weekend trip, but somehow we made it on the road for a six hour ride and the aid of the car to soothe our girls to sleep. We figured we’d just be at home soothing them, we might as well take a ride in the car somewhere.
I remember the peace in that drive, the waves of prairie grass and the different colored cows. I grew such a love for driving through open spaces while living out there.
We visited Mt. Rushmore, and I remember being more intrigued with it than I thought I’d be. I would’ve even stayed to watch the movie about it if the babies weren’t crying and Hyrum climbing over seats. My favorite part though was driving through the surrounding Black Hills. It was so beautiful there!
At one point we stopped to eat and hike around a bit, and when we got to the top of the rocks we discovered a stunning view of the hills with Mt. Rushmore tucked right in the middle of them! That was a highlight for me. And just before we left, a mountain goat leaped across the rocks a few yards away from us. I think that was a highlight for Jake.
I don’t think we have ever been more exhausted on a trip, hardly managing a solid hour’s sleep. We forgot the babies’ rock n plays— the beds they are so accustomed to, that help with their reflux.— So we improvised an inclined bed in the base of their stroller, and although they looked cozy, we were up with them almost constantly it seemed.
But it was a taste of normalcy, this trip, just being out somewhere, especially somewhere new. Jake took the kids to breakfast and a park so I could sleep, and the older two got to swim with him at the water park hotel. And despite the exhaustion, we loved it and are so glad we went!
And oh to think how far we’ve come! Our baby girls are now our best sleepers! We are taking picnics, running through sprinklers, visiting family, and going away on the weekends. It is such a glorious time with these four little ones.
The other day I was at Trader Joe’s as the temperatures were first starting to warm, and I walked past a barrel of watermelons and a group of people barbecuing by the doorway. I smiled from ear to ear walking through those doors! Summer had arrived and it felt so nostalgic to me, so wonderfully, joyfully nostalgic, as though it had been a long while since I had played in it. But it really hadn’t been that long! Last summer was just so different.
Now the fun we are all enjoying this summer—the swimming, the smells, and the whole laid back feel of it—is somehow conjuring up the sweetest of summer memories from years ago. I am loving summer like never before, or perhaps all the years before, and that has been such a gift. #mamanotes
I was on the couch reading, too cold to leave a cozy place for breakfast. This time before the kids are in school is nice because our mornings are slow and relaxed. Hyrum was on the stairs waiting for Jake to leave for work when Ava came down for the first time. “Good morning,” he said. Never heard him say that before, but it made my day. Jake left for work with the kids clinging to him, as usual. We went to the park and Hyrum wanted to sit in the big swing. I sat him on my lap and he snorted his happiness the whole time. He figured out how to do that this morning, then did it all day.
I’ve been swimming in laundry, getting close to getting all the clean laundry out of the laundry room though! Maybe tomorrow. 👍
Oh yes and Ava called me a “mean mom” tonight. I can’t even remember why she was so upset, I just remember her yelling and her angry face. It was a rough moment. But then we had some quiet time, a few back tickles and some pillow talk and things healed. That’s probably what she really needed anyway, to slow down and connect, to be understood. Or maybe that was me. We both probably needed it. #gratefulforher#mamanotes
Also, check out these North Dakota skies! I love the skies during a late summer storm. We could see the clouds at a distance when we strollered over to the greenhouse around the corner to pick up some strawberry plants. Those dark clouds trailed fast behind us on the way home! We quickly got the mail, admired the sky, then hurried inside as the first droplets fell. It’s so fun to experience different seasons in new places.
We went camping with some friends over the weekend! We were there a total of 24 hours, yet managed to experience all of hot dog roasting, bocce ball, soccer, frisbee, buffalos, hiking, wild turkey gobblings, a potato sack race, playing in the dirt, smores, a really cold night’s sleep, and a solid game of cards. Don’t you love it when the weekend seems to last a lot longer than it should and it’s all jam packed with a lot of good stuff? I love weekends like that.
North Dakota is all sorts of interesting. Like this national park right here, Theodore Roosevelt NP with all it’s rock mountain formations, canyon crevices, and buffalo– nestled just a few hours from us smack in the middle of the rolling hills and flat fields of the Great Plains. I love it! And I reeaally love the buffalo.
Our friends were so prepared. If we didn’t have something, they did. Including all these neat tricks to making the fire change colors. So fun!
Oh what a cozy night. (Not really.) Well kind of, if you count the way we shivered up to each other trying to keep warm. Actually that sounds a lot worse than it was. Jake and I just spent half the night trying the keep the blankets on the kids and our own feet warm. I was too scared of the howling outside to leave the tent to get our hand warmers, so I got into Jake’s sleeping bag to get warm. That didn’t work so great. My feet warmed up, but I couldn’t move the rest of my body. After an hour of cramping I retired to my own bag. And it was probably just a dog! haha.
The kids didn’t care that it was 40 degrees outside and that they went to bed late. They were up with the sun anyway. It was ok though, we had a whole day to fill!
Then this! I would have been alright with oatmeal for breakfast, but how great is this!
Hyrum, off to pick flowers for me.
…and stomp on a buffalo pie.
Then this one here, she is definitely my child. The strangest things fascinate me.
Then we went on a hike without our hiking backpack for Hyrum, and Jake gave him quite the ride in the stroller. haha! Never forgetting that backpack again (hopefully.)
Love these great friends!
Jake was so patient with Hyrum when all he wanted to do was sit and play in the dirt. He waited for him to sit in it, roll in it, sprinkle it in his hair and throw it in the air. And after a good 10 minutes we had to catch up to the rest of them. Hyrum screamed and cried. He loves dirt.
Then the kids came back to the campsite and played in more dirt. Hyrum even found another buffalo pie! It was a good day.
Got these potato sacks at a garage sale the other day. What fun! Joslyn has the video of all the adults racing in slow motion–the one where Jake is leaps ahead of everyone and I tried to match his first leap and totally bailed. It was great.
24 hours of good clean fun. We decided we need to do it again soon.
