I wrote this letter to Ava in my journal the other day and wondered if I should share it. Sometimes I feel funny about sharing my personal thoughts and feelings, but ultimately that’s why I have a blog–to share the things that shape me and inspire me and bring me joy–hopefully we can share goodness with others too.
Dear Ava,
Today you seemed so happy. It was a family day with Daddy home and Hyrum running across the carpets with his gap-toothed grin, as usual. You love these days. Daddy made you breakfast and a fort downstairs where you watched a show together. Then you and Daddy played monster, giggling under the blankets waiting for me to find you. Then it was jacket time and socks and boots and pants because your friends might be home and you love playing with them. After a few minutes of jumping on the trampoline they went inside for breakfast and the two of us jumped up and down and chased each other’s shadows. While we hopped in circles you told me how you love jumping with me.
I love jumping with you too. I love playing with you and learning with you and being so happy with you. We all do. You are so spirited and fun and eager to enjoy all the goodness around you.
Tonight after riding our skateboards and bikes to the park, Daddy went to church for the priesthood conference session and I bathed you and your brother and smoothed aloe on your sun pinked skin. You played all day under those warming rays, jumping and running and laughing with your friends. You were tired. I tucked your little legs under the covers and said our bedtime prayer, at your request. Your head stayed up for just a few moments before slipping onto the mattress with the close of your eyes. In that quiet moment at the edge of the bed, I thanked Heavenly Father for this beautiful day with you and Daddy and Hyrum. I thanked Him for the Gospel and all the goodness and joy we have because of it. And then I prayed for heaven’s help. I prayed for help as I learn how to mother. As I struggle to mother.
A few times this week as I stood against your sass and strong will, I wondered how to do it. There is so much I don’t know and my weaknesses are becoming apparent. Sometimes I think about all the mothers that have done it and are doing it and that gives me strength. But you know what gives me the most strength? I know that we have heaven on our side. Raising you two little ones is the greatest thing I could be doing right now, and I have God and the angels in heaven to help me. I have no doubt that they have whispered in my ear from time to time how I can be a little more patient or humble or kind. I want you to know that in the Gospel of Jesus Christ we can be taught from on high if we ask for it and listen. So that is what I prayed for.
All my love,
Mom
